The 3 Things I Stopped Saying
Developing mindful awareness around our speech is an essential part of an embodied meditation practice. Your words create conflict or peace. Connection or disconnection. Self-judgment or self-compassion.
Words matter. We know this. Both the words we speak out loud and the words we speak to ourself.
Words create worlds, they say. Sit with that for a moment. Contemplate it. How do your words create your world?
Just like in every aspect of our life - we can develop patterns of speech and communication that do not serve us.
I think it’s fair to say that most of us don’t pay attention to the words and phrases we use habitually - and we definitely don’t realize the impact our words have on our subconscious mind. We don’t recognize how something as simple as the words we habitually speak can inhibit our growth, increase our negativity bias, affect our social and emotional relationships - and decrease our sense of satisfaction in daily life.
So without further ado, these are the 3 things I’ve stopped saying:
The problem is…
Got it.
Should
Why I stopped saying these things:
‘The problem is’ is an inherently negative phrase that strengthens the brain’s negativity bias.
‘Got it’ is a conversation ender. Full shut down. Sure, it’s great to communicate you understand a situation or topic - but this phrase energetically closes the door on further discussion. It’s cold. It’s clinical. It’s corporate.
‘Should’ is a toxic word that holds no joy and strengthens mental narratives of self judgment, guilt, and shame.
What I say instead:
I replaced ‘the problem is’ with ‘the tricky bit is…’ This phrase is a little bit playful - it encourages curiosity and outside the box thinking.
I replaced ‘got it’ with a number of phrases. ‘I see’ and ‘Yep, I’m with you’ are in the regular rotation. Both create a feeling of warmth and connection - rather than a feeling of being shut down.
‘Should’ shows up all the time… which means I have an abundance of opportunities to practice making a new choice!!! For example, when I don’t feel like going to Pilates, instead of saying ‘ughh I should go to Pilates, I say ‘My body needs to go to Pilates.’
I’ve been mindful of my use of the word ‘should’ for many years - but even more so, since coming into contact with Human Design. It’s a biggie, folks. Getting rid of the word should - especially in relation to your spiritual/personal development - is a GAME CHANGER. ‘Shoulding’ all over myself never creates a feeling of inner alignment. It creates mental tension and self-judgment. Over the years, I’ve learned that by listening to my body, honoring my energy, checking in with my motivations and intentions - and trusting myself - the things that need to get done, get done at the correct time. And they get done with the correct quality of energy.
My partner Josh and I undertook this little ‘Mindful Speech’ challenge together. Calling each other out (with zero aggression or defensiveness) was a big part of the process. It helped us realize how frequently we chose our words without presence or precision. But it was really exciting to see how quickly we were able to change our patterns. Neuroplasticity in action!!
Also - doing this as a partnership exercise helped me realize how important it is to have people alongside you who are equally (and consistently) committed to self-inquiry and share the same goals and values.
Whether it’s a partner, a friend, or a spiritual community - having accountability and someone who will lovingly call you out on the patterns and behaviors you said you didn’t want keep engaging in REALLY helps expedite transformation…. because it’s easy to forget!! (This would be a great lead in to a post on Sankalpa…coming soon!?!?)
Reflections or journal prompts:
So, I invite you to consider, how do your words create your world?
What words or phrases do you regularly speak to others - or to yourself - that are not in alignment with your highest good?
How do your words - both aloud and unspoken - affect your mental and emotional state?
What kinds of things do you say to yourself that are unkind? What kinds of things do you say to others that are unkind?
Do you use any phrases that prevent deeper connection?
If you’re in partnership, are there words/phrases that your partner mindlessly speaks that they would be open to bringing more awareness to? Ask them if there are words/phrases that you speak that they’d like you to bring more awareness to. (Two way street, friends. If you’re asking your partner to change - you gotta be ready to change too!!!!
