The ONE Time You Should Lie to Yourself ....(For the Benefit of All Beings)
WHOOPS! I attached wrong link to my newsletter. Here’s the Dopamine post.
(but this post might have some pretty powerful wisdom for you too!! :🥳)
My best friend called me a few nights ago, asking how to get back to the positive person she used to be and stop being so frustrated and angry.
This is what I told her - including why lying to yourself might be the key to happiness.
🙏🏼Practice gratitude.
👁 Try to make every person you meet feel deeply seen. Connect on a human level.
😊 See if you can get people to smile. (smizey style) Take it as a personal challenge.
❤️Give EVERYONE grace. Give EVERYONE the benefit of the doubt.
Okay - but HOW do I give people the benefit of the doubt?
Make up stories about every person you meet until you don’t have to anymore. Yes, that’s right. Make shit up.
Because you have NO IDEA what people are going through. (Life is a lot…even when it’s not.)
This will RETRAIN YOUR BRAIN 🧠. Fuck that negativity bias. It doesn’t have to be your baseline.
I need specific examples. This is weird.
So you have to operate on the assumption that people are GOOD - but are struggling.
maybe they’re dealing with insomnia and haven’t slept more than 3 hrs a night in a month.
maybe they just got dumped
maybe they just got diagnosed with a chronic health condition
maybe they’re overwhelmed, caring for elderly parents and small children, trying to balance their own health and stay focused at work
maybe they have PTSD and their nervous system expresses anger as a way to create distance and safety
So that’s it? I just walk around making shit up about people and I’ll be happy??
Yeah. Pretty much. But that’s just one part of it. Remember - this is alongside practicing gratitude 🙏🏼 and consciously creating deep moments of connection between strangers in your daily life.
Over time, giving people the benefit of the doubt will come NATURALLY and quickly.
And you might find that as become better at creating moments of connection, people share their struggles. And you don’t have to make up stories anymore.
The stories are Happiness Training Wheels. They’re pattern interrupts to give you the space to choose a new response - instead of being one of the angry assholes of the world.
By consciously choosing harmony and peace, instead of conflict, you WILL become happier. And so will the people around you.
Is there science behind this or did you just make it up?
When you retrain your brain 🧠 to be more present, grateful and kind, you decrease stress hormones in your blood stream. More serotonin, more oxytocin. Less cortisol and adrenaline. Fuck yeah, science!! 🥳
It's a glorious feedback loop - and it’s very much changing your brain.
The more present you are, the more grateful you’ll be
The more grateful you are, the kinder you are.
The kinder you are, the easier it is to connect deeply to others.
The more you connect deeply to others, the more empathy you cultivate.
The more empathy you cultivate, the easier it is to not take things personally.
The less you take things personally, the more peace you’ll experience.
Instead of the horrible things you used to say about people (in your head or out loud) - you’ll find yourself mentally saying ‘I know nothing about what this person is going through - but I DO know it’s not about me - and in this moment, I can make both of our days a little better - or a little worse.’
Using this ‘technique,’ I rewired my brain to be HYPER aware of my tendency to be a negative little asshole. This awareness keeps me on track and brings me back into alignment with kindness, gratitude, generosity, empathy and love. 🥰 Not saying this like ‘oooohh look at me, I’m such a good person!!’ On the contrary - I’m hardwired for all sorts of shadow shit. (We all are. It’s not an excuse for indulging it.)
(Personally, a mantra based devotional practice to Lakshmi also keeps me in check. Lakshmi is the Hindu goddess of auspiciousness, harmony, beauty, grace, flow, and abundance born of generosity and gratitude.)
And so, I invite you to give this little ‘happiness hack’ a whirl!!
Retrain your brain 🧠 Open your heart ❤️. Practice gratitude. Create connection. 💥And lie to yourself for the benefit of all beings.💥
I highly recommend it. It feels great.
